Cruise Control

This house is quiet and it is kinda freaking me out.  For the first time in nine weeks I have been alone in the house for hours at a time.  The girls are in school - that beautiful, exciting, noisy place for six hours.  Even though they are in there for six hours, somehow it translates into feeling like only about two for me.  Similar to the human/dog years ratio.  For every three hours the girls are out of the house it only feels like one.

                I am not in any way, shape or form begrudging this blissful time alone.  What I am experiencing is a temporary adjustment period.  I am not all weepy when dropping them off at school, clutching and sniffling into their clothes while they are at school.  But there is a little getting used to moment for me.

 I spent two months being a drill sergeant, camp counselor and chirpy Julie McCoy cruise director every moment of the day.  From the moment I woke up it was a steady, forward motion – “Girls, get on your bathing suits, put yer sunscreen on!  Let’s make lunch, pack it up, find your flip flops, and turn off the TV! ” The girls responded with a similar barrage of demands, “Momma!  Can we have ice cream, momma watch me jump in the water!  Momma did you see that perfect hand stand!  Momma I need a Band-Aid!  Momma!”   

Every day the girls asked the question, “What are we doing today?” I answered clearly and consistently.  We went to the beach and the pool and visited friends, went through cases of sidewalk chalk, ate ice cream and picked blueberries.  We squeezed every ever-lovin’ drop out of our summer– we are all tan and happy.

                And now, my motivation in the form of two highly energetic daughters has changed.   I have to be my own cruise director – and that is not so easy.  I feel hung-over from the summer.   Every day I want to do everything and nothing.  I want to read all afternoon.  I don’t want to spend my time cleaning, but I want to clean that damn shelf in our living room that makes me grrrrr every time I pass by it.  I want to get back into yoga. The list for the cruise director is endless.   For today, I was able eat lunch without talking to anyone.  Baby steps.