Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I call do-over

I knew it was going to be a tough day when I received the 5:30 am robo-call from our school superintendant, letting all parents know to batten down the hatches. Yes, it is a snow day and school has been cancelled. I have been trying my hardest today, to turn that frown upside-down, make lemons into lemonade, and just basically try to sideswipe this sinking feeling. Now, I don’t want to sound like a negative Nelly about snow days. We just had a snow day last week and I loved every hot chocolate-y, basement playing, snow ball filled moment of it. Our house was filled with kids and yummy things cooking and it was all things cozy around here. However, we just had off for MLK day. And a snow day just a few days ago. It was time to send the kiddos back. But this is Mother Nature, New England style. And that bitch doesn’t check in to ask we want, so here we are.

There are some days that I love this mothering thing. Where everything falls into place, and like an Olympic athlete, I can feel my groove and hit the stride and I am one with parenting universe. I have a full night’s sleep and my children listen to me. They crack jokes, and Sophie’s missing front tooth to so cute I can’t even stand it I have to squeeze her like a crazy lady. My girls can do no wrong. And then there is a day like today. Where I feel as though I can do no right, I am a droning machine of mothering boredom - “Eat over your plate.” “Stop tattling on your sister.” “Hands to yourself girls.” All the cliché’s are true, it goes in one ear and out the other and somebody ends up in tears.

I think what I am finding hard today is that sometimes as a mom, I just can’t win. I feel as if I can’t get ahead of the endless, sprawling list of what needs to be done just to keep everyone a float every, single day – let alone all of the thousand other items on the list of life that warrants tending and nurturing. I have never worked harder at anything else in my life, so when it sucks and goes wrong, I take it personally.

But the beauty is that I can tuck the girls in at the end of a long, confusing, frustrating day, kiss them a fair goodnight and know that tomorrow is a new day. We all have a fresh start.

1 comment:

  1. I'm here reading your blog because my inbox is overwhelming the shit out of me after two days off work. I'm not feeling exactly productive or successful myself in my non-mothering life, and all it takes for me to feel the opposite about my parenting is hearing one of Anna's teachers tell me that she's the class clown. It doesn't make my to-do list shorter, but at least that little curly-headed project is going well.